Charm offensive


Champagne manager, beer football: Seduction are failing to woo supporters

FACES don’t come much more egg-stained than that of the Dan Terry Seduction manager.

Ever since the pre-season name change fiasco, the DTS boss has been struggling to impress.

His team have occupied the relegation zone for much of the campaign and £26m, one-goal Florent Malouda is a prime candidate for big money flop of the season.

“There have been positives, like the form of Sebastian Larsson,” said the Seduction gaffer to a young female reporter who’d come to his office to interview him for the local rag.

“But let’s not get bogged down in the nitty gritty, shall we?” he continued, dimming his office lights, putting on some Barry White and uncorking a bottle of Asda’s own champagne.

“You know, managing a team in the Kenna is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman.

“To be successful you’ve got to keep hammering it in the goal right to the end. And make sure things are nice and tight at the back.”

The Seduction boss had by now poured two glasses and moved around to sit on the desk very close to the journalist, leaning over her.

“I sense that you’re nervous. Is this your first big assignment?” he said, handing her a drink.

She rolled her eyes. “Actually no. I interviewed George Elokobi a couple of weeks ago. He told me how glad he was to be rid of this place. We drew straws in the office to see who would interview you.”

“I see you have spirit. Football can be a hard game. Have you much experience?” as he said this he toasted her and took a sip.

“Listen. I’ve to get a story filed in two hours. I think I’ve got enough here. You’ll probably get spiked for the story about a Headless Chickens defender turning up for training in nothing but a pair of comedy breasts anyway,” she said, putting down her glass and leaving.

The Seduction boss spent a few moments sitting on his desk after she left. Eventually he got up.

“Damn!” he said, looking at the untouched drink. “That’s another roofie wasted.”

Download a full breakdown of the scores from the ‘Details’ box on the right hand side of this page.

Weekly scores - 13 March 2012

Weekly scores - 13 March 2012


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