Gone in 60 seconds


Empty buffet

Blink and it’s over: Last night’s buffet does an excellent impression of the JPC boss

POLICE have stepped up their search for the Just Put Carles manager who went missing during last night’s auction.

Discovered to be wearing an official London 2012 T-shirt, and hence being liable to buy the committee a round of drinks, the JPC boss was last seen receding faster than Usain Bolt’s hairline.

The Catalan left having bought just a handful of players: Kyle Walker, Mikel Arteta, David Silva, Daniel Sturridge and Danny Welbeck.

Having assessed all the other starting elevens, the Chalkstripes in Kenna HQ’s speculations department named JPC’s five-a-side team as third favourites for the title.

It was a record turnout for the Kenna as 20 managers battled it out in the bowels of the City of London’s Golden Fleece.

“The auction was just how we wanted it: fast, raucous and with plenty of managers being caught out by the Titus Bramble ruling,” said the Chairman resignedly, as his Vasco De Beauvoir side went over budget and saw Sergio Aguero replaced by Leroy Lita.

There was a blow for the Spartak Mogadishu manager too, as new signing Luka Modric announced his medical in Madrid about an hour after the Somali picked him up for £1m.

“Yarrrrrr! If I catch the bilge rat within cannon shot, he be findin’ he’self in Davey Jones’ locker,” said the Spartak manager outside the club’s Spyglass Hill training facility.

Teams will be published here over the coming week.

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