Woking fingered in Europol match fix probe


Bramble jersey handover 1Feb13 anon

Funny looking brown envelope: The Woking manager (right) accepts the Bramble jersey at Friday’s transfer window

WOKING emerged from the transfer window in the unsavoury spotlight of the match fixing allegations sweeping Europe.

The struggling club’s truly lacklustre debut season left Europol with little doubt that an Asian betting syndicate must be involved.

Handed the Bramble jersey at Friday night’s transfer window for being last-placed in the Kenna League, the Woking manager insisted there was nothing fishy going on at the club.

“I’ve just been unlucky in the transfer market,” said the Woking boss, who only has Leighton Baines left from his original eleven in August. “Who are Europol anyway? They sound like something from a second-rate sci-fi movie. What are they doing to do? Come after me with Judge Dread and Commander Worf?”

However, the European Union’s law enforcement agency dropped the charges soon after discovering that, amongst other glaring examples of tactical shortsightedness, Shane Long had scored just hours after being ditched by the Woking manager.

Rob Wainwright, director of Europol, said: “Having investigated Woking in more detail we’ve come the conclusion that the manger’s ineptitude excuses him of any wrongdoing. He’s bought Stewart Downing, for crying out loud.”

League table

Week 23 - 5 February 2013

Week 23 – 5 February 2013

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Piedmonte Phil 50 4
2 Wandsworth Window Lickers Will 39 2
3 Vasco De Beauvoir Stix 36 2
4 Bala Rinas Lewis 34 1
5 PSV Mornington El Pons 33 2
6 Judean Peoples’ Front Sholto 33 0
7 Newington Reds Dudley 30 3
8 Just put Carles Carles 30 1
9 Northern Monkeys Hugo 28 2
10 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 26 2
11 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 26 1
12 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 23 0
13 Dynamo Charlton Alex 21 0
14 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 20 1
15 Woking Mike 20 0
16 Pikey Scum Jack 19 1
17 FC Testicluadew James N 18 0
18 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 16 0
19 Headless Chickens John N 15 0
20 Greendale Rockets Stu 13 1
Points Player
Player of the week 12 Fellaini, M – EVE – MID
Club Wandsworth Window Lickers

 

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