Hairy Fadjeetas 2013/14

Aiden

Wheeler dealer: The Hairy Fadjeetas manager

Manager: Aiden (Yorkshire)

Since: 2011

Last season: 9th

Trophy cabinet: Empty (highest league position – last season)

Sympathies: Sheffield Wednesday

Darts music: The Vag1na Song

Outlook (on 12 September 2013): With only one Turkey of the Month award to his name, the Hairy Fadjeetas manager still has it all to prove at club level. His most successful efforts have been on the international stage, where he collected a runners up medal in the Dr Khumalo 2010 World Cup, but most notably took charge of the league Twitter account during the Emmanuel Olisadebe 2012 Euros. The chairman has given his word that should the league realise the dream of owning premises in St James’s there will always be a place on the billiard room wall for the resounding description of The Horn of Africa manager throwing in the towel halfway through an auction and the moment 10 minutes later when he picked it up again.

His place on the committee under threat with the swift decline of tweeting entire auctions, the Fadges manager manned the Skype business during last month’s all day bonanza. While administering bids from such exotic climes as Valencia and Bournemouth, for his own team the manager kept it simple and went big on two players already justifying their £30m+ price tag: Robert Soldado and Edin Hazard (league ball boys have been placed on high alert). As for the rest of team, it appears to be a mixture of dwindling roles (Hernandez, Grandin, Gouffran) and plodding performance (Marshall, Turner, Jarvis). Once Nastasic returns from injury, he’ll join Kolo Toure, Ron Vlaar, Soldado and Hazard as the team’s mainstays. Will this be enough to drag the Hairy Fadjeetas manager out of the hall of infame?

Marshall, D CAR £3.5m
Vlaar, R AVL £5.5m
Turner, M NOR £3m
Toure, K LIV £6.5m
Nastasic, M MCY £0.5m
Jarvis, M WHM £7.5m
Hazard, E CHE £34m
Gouffran, Y NEW £0.5m
Ramsey, A ARS £11m
Soldado TOT £33m
Hernandez, J MUN £1.5m
£110m

First transfer window – 5 October 2013

Starting budget: £11m, remaining budget: £0m, net loss: £11m

Out       In      
Pos Player Team Sold Pos Player Team Paid
MID Grandin, E CRY Free MID Ramsey, A ARS £11m

Second transfer window – 7 February 2014

No changes

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Hairy Fadjeetas

Manager: Aiden (Yorkshire)

Since: 2011 (committee member, Director of Wry Tweets)

Last season: 15th

Trophy cabinet: Empty (highest league position – last season)

Sympathies: Sheffield Wednesday

Darts music: Hawaii 5-0 theme

Outlook: Up there amongst the best all-time Brambles when the hapless Marouane Chamakh replaced £33m Carlos Tevez, but the Fadges boss recovered well to bring some solid purchases to the club’s Bikini Lane stadium. Paid through the nose for Eden Hazard, but on the evidence of the first game he looks an exciting prospect. Manager yet to prove himself in the domestic arena.

(B) = player awarded under the Titus Brambling ruling

Mignolet, S SUN £5.5m
Skrtel, M LIV £20m
Vidic, N MUN £16m
Williams, A SWA £3.5m
Hughes, A FUL £4m
Hazard, E CHE £26m
Ben Arfa, H NEW £6.5m
Hoolahan, W NOR £2.5m
McCleary, G REA £0.5m
Mirallas, K EVE £18m
Defoe, J TOT £13m
 Total £115.5m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out     In
Lescott, J MCY £12m Skrtel, M LIV £20m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out     In
Warnock, S AVL £2m Vidic, N MUN £16m
Chamakh M (B) ARS £16.5m Mirallas, K EVE £18m

Chernobyl Forlov

Manager: Aiden

Nationality: England

Domestic club side: Hairy Fadjeetas

Tournament history:

  • Doctor Khumalo 2010 World Cup: 2nd (out of 15)

4-4-2

Pletikosa, S Croatia £0.5m
Chiellini, G Italy £12m
Rami, A France £7m
Torossidis, V Greece £0.5m
Safari, B Sweden £0.5m
Walcott, T England £5m
Mata, J Spain £0.5m
Obraniak, L Poland £0.5m
Hunt, S Rep of Ireland £0.5m
Gomez, M Germany £32m
Huntelaar, KJ Holland £22m
Total £81m

Hairy Fadjeetas (second window)

Manager: Mr Aiden Brisland (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Sheffield Wednesday

Hennessey, W WLV £4m
Evans, J MUN £7.5m
Jagielka, P EVE £14.5m
Taylor, N SWA £0.5m
Givet, G BLR £3.5m
Etherington, M STO £12.5m
Lennon, A TOT £8.5m
Downing, S LIV £0.5m
Morrison, J WBA £0.5m
Torres, F CHE £27.5m
Ruiz, B FUL £2m
£81.5m

Hairy Fadjeetas (first window)

Manager: Mr Aiden Brisland (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Sheffield Wednesday

Hennessey, W WLV £4m
Evans, J MUN £7.5m
Jagielka, P EVE £14.5m
Kelly, M LIV £2.5m
Givet, G BLR £3.5m
Etherington, M STO £12.5m
Lennon, A TOT £8.5m
Brunt, C WBA £6.5m
Asharvin, A ARS £10m
Torres, F CHE £27.5m
Klasnic, I BOL £1.5m
£98.5m

Hairy Fadjeetas

Manager: Mr Aiden Brisland (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Sheffield Wednesday

Hennessey, W WLV £4m
Hughes, A FUL £13m
Jagielka, P EVE £14.5m
Djourou, J ARS £2.5m
Givet, G BLR £3.5m
Etherington, M STO £12.5m
Pienaar, S TOT £3m
Brunt, C WBA £6.5m
Meireles, R CHE £0.5m
Torres, F CHE £27.5m
Davies, K BOL £0.5m
    £88m