Sporting Lesbian 2013/14

Ben M profile

Furry touch: The Sporting Lesbian manager

Manager: Ben M (Cumbria)

Twitter name: @BenMarcangelo

Since: 2012

Last season: 1st

Trophy cabinet: Champions 2012/13

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: Lesbian Seagull – David van Driessen

Outlook: No manager has ever defended the Kenna title, and even Sporting Lesbian’s most optimistic fan would say this side doesn’t look like emulating the success of last season’s outfit. The only survivor from that collective, Marc Wilson is joined by a capable defence of Coleman, Rose and Coloccini – although the Argentine is prone to homesickness. David de Gea looks likely to start in goal all season.

Up front the £27m price tag for the untested, and injury prone, Jovetic may seem excessive, but Podolski could be one of the bargains of the season. Creativity abounds in midfield, but last season’s success was built on the outstanding form of Michu, and a similar discovery is yet to be evidenced here.

de Gea, D MUN £11m
Rose, D TOT £8m
Coleman, S EVE £14m
Ward, J CRY £1.5m
Wilson, M STO £0.5m
Coutinho, P LIV £19m
Snodgrass, R NOR £8m
Zaha, W CAR £15m
Ramires CHE £0.5m
Anichebe, V WBA £0.5m
Podolski, L ARS £1.5m

First transfer window – 5 October 2013

Starting budget: £11.5m, remaining budget: £15.5m, net profit: £4m

(Hyperlink denotes to which club player was sold)

Pos Player Team Sold Pos Player Team Paid
DEF Coloccini, F NEW £4.5m DEF Turner, B CAR £0.5m

Second transfer window – 7 February 2014

Out       In      
Pos Player Team Sold Pos Player Team Value
DEF Turner, B CAR £0.5m DEF Ward, J CRY £1.5m
MID Giaccherini, E SUN Free MID Zaha, W CAR £15m
STR Jovetic, S MCY Free STR Anichebe, V WBA £0.5m

Sporting Lesbian

Manager: Ben M (Cumbria)

Twitter name: @BenMarcangelo

Since: Debut

Trophy cabinet: Empty

Sympathies: Liverpool

Darts music: The Beverly Hills Cop theme

Outlook: Picked up the auction’s bargain Sergio Aguero for £12m, although devastating capabilities of the front two may be curtailed by casual racism. Very creative in midfield, but yet to be seen if Charles N’Somnia wakes up this term. No Brambles.

Foster, B WBA £6.5m
Gibbs, K ARS £15m
Santon, D NEW £4m
Wilson, M STO £2m
Figueroa, M WIG £0.5m
Diame, M WHM £10m
Ramirez, G SOT £5.5m
Holtby, L TOT £19m
Michu SWA £2.5m
Suarez, L LIV £36m
Aguero, S MCY £12m
Total £113m

Second transfer window – 1 February 2013

Out     In
Granero, E QPR £5.5m Diame, M WHM £10m
Sandro TOT £0.5m Holtby, L TOT £19m

First transfer window – 26 October 2012

Out     In
Sessegnon, S SUN £13m Granero, E QPR £16m
N’Zogbia, C AVL £6.5m Ramirez, G SOT £5.5m
Marin, M CHE £0.5m Sandro TOT £0.5m