Mouldy Balls!

Donkey

Edin Dzeko struggles to shake his marker

Even with Rooney and Dzeko doing their best Shrek and Donkey impression up front, FC Testiculadew dominate the Kenna.

The club now enjoy an 82-point lead atop the league.

Attacking midfielder Clint Dempsey was the hip hop superstar a fortnight past.

‘Deuce’ the goal robot popped up again with another player-of-week hat-trick.

Two assists from Shaun Wright-Phillips, one from Marouane Fellaini and a John O’Shea clean sheet completed the rout.

“I’ve put off this kind of talk so far, but now I’ve got one hand on that tax-free prize money come May,” said the FCT boss, or ‘Monsieur Pickles Quarte-vingts’ as he’s known at the gaming tables of the principality.

Weekly scores - 24 January 2012

Weekly scores - 24 January 2012

 

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What the Deuce!

FCT press conference

Testiculadew: health concerns marred post-match celebrations

A Clint Dempsey hat-trick put FC Testiculadew back on top of the Kenna in spectacular fashion.

Known as ‘Deuce’ during his keepy-uppy, rapping forays into the American ‘hood, Dempsey’s dope performance has left the FCT manager trippin’.

Commenting on his team’s emphatic week from a drop-top Cadillac full of b1tches driving at 5mph, da gaffer said: “FCT is the wickedest. Kenna say I’m pussy? I dare you to stick your dick in this.

“If I was pussy I’d be filled with syphillis, herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, gettin rid of ya.”

A considerably less-than-fly week for Lokomotiv Leeds has left them 33 points off the lead.

Weekly scores - 10 January 2012

Weekly scores - 10 January 2012


FC Testiculadew

Manager: Mr James Norris (ENG)

Since: 2011

Trophy cabinet: empty

Sympathies: Everton

Szczesny, W ARS £2m
Bosingwa, J CHE £0.5m
O’Shea, J SUN £5.5m
Shorey, N WBA £0.5m
Maicon INT £7m
Lennon, A TOT £10m
Dempsey, C FUL £5.5m
Fellaini, M EVE £4.5m
Ireland, S AVL £6.5m
Rooney, W MUN £28m
Dzeko, E MCY £5.5m
    £75.5m