Attack, Midfield, Defence: winners and losers
Posted: May 22, 2013 Filed under: Stat attack | Tags: anders breivik, arouna kone, attack, defence, fantasy football, fantasy premier league, football, headless chickens, laurent koscielny, midfield, pan african news, per mertesacker, robin van persie, soccer, sports Leave a comment
Attack: The Still Don’t Know Yet front pair came top in a straight comparison (photo courtesy of Pan African News Wire)
THE KENNA League is jumping on the pundit bandwagon about the Per Mertesacker and Laurent Koscielny partnership being the basis of Arsenal’s realised European ambition.
The four best defences in the Kenna this season helped their team to a top-half finish. Joe Hart, Ashley Cole and Jose Enrique shared a tremendous season at Judean Peoples’ Front to crown the team best at the back.
In midfield, the Just Put Carles manager’s decision to stick with his starting four of Arteta, Silva, Osman and Henderson – more likely through not turning up to transfer windows than anything else – paid dividends.
Despite winning the league on Sunday with the most goals scored of any side, Sporting Lesbian fell short in defence and midfield for which the front pair of Luis Suarez and Sergio Aguero more than atoned. Only Robin van Persie and Arouna Kone at Still Don’t Know Yet did better.
The Sporting manager’s celebratory tweet today suggests a William Hill account has taken a bit of beating over the last few months.
@jeffkennaleague Delighted with the season, the prize money just about covers all the dodgy bets I’ve made this season..
— Ben Marcangelo (@BenMarcangelo) May 22, 2013
Defence (final league position)
| 1 | Judean Peoples’ Front (3) | 543 |
| 2 | Piedmonte (4) | 466 |
| 3 | Spartak Mogadishu (8) | 463 |
| 4 | Just Put Carles (5) | 420 |
| 5 | Pikey Scum (15) | 415 |
| 6 | Newington Reds (11) | 409 |
| 7 | Sporting Lesbian (1) | 400 |
| 8 | Bala Rinas (13) | 392 |
| 9 | FC Testiculadew (2) | 386 |
| 10 | Lokomotiv Leeds (7) | 383 |
| 11 | Greendale Rockets (17) | 382 |
| 12 | Headless Chickens (16) | 372 |
| 13 | PSV Mornington (10) | 368 |
| 14 | Vasco De Beauvoir (18) | 356 |
| 15 | Northern Monkeys (12) | 355 |
| 16 | Woking (20) | 346 |
| 17 | Wandsworth Window Lickers (19) | 343 |
| 18 | Dynamo Charlton (6) | 337 |
| 19 | Hairy Fadjeetas (9) | 266 |
| 20 | Still Don’t Know Yet (14) | 207 |
Midfield (final league position)
| 1 | Just Put Carles (5) | 474 |
| 2 | Dynamo Charlton (6) | 456 |
| 3 | Hairy Fadjeetas (9) | 440 |
| 4 | Headless Chickens (16) | 399 |
| 5 | FC Testiculadew (2) | 395 |
| 6 | Northern Monkeys (12) | 393 |
| 7 | PSV Mornington (10) | 376 |
| 8 | Sporting Lesbian (1) | 375 |
| 9 | Piedmonte (4) | 362 |
| 10 | Spartak Mogadishu (8) | 336 |
| 11 | Wandsworth Window Lickers (19) | 334 |
| 12 | Pikey Scum (15) | 332 |
| 13 | Newington Reds (11) | 331 |
| 14 | Greendale Rockets (17) | 318 |
| 15 | Bala Rinas (13) | 305 |
| 16 | Lokomotiv Leeds (7) | 296 |
| 17 | Judean Peoples’ Front (3) | 295 |
| 18 | Woking (20) | 283 |
| 19 | Vasco De Beauvoir (18) | 268 |
| 20 | Still Don’t Know Yet (14) | 243 |
Attack (final league position)
| 1 | Still Don’t Know Yet (14) | 397 |
| 2 | Sporting Lesbian (1) | 378 |
| 3 | FC Testiculadew (2) | 297 |
| 4 | Lokomotiv Leeds (7) | 278 |
| 5 | Dynamo Charlton (6) | 278 |
| 6 | PSV Mornington (10) | 264 |
| 7 | Newington Reds (11) | 258 |
| 8 | Northern Monkeys (12) | 256 |
| 9 | Spartak Mogadishu (8) | 254 |
| 10 | Judean Peoples’ Front (3) | 251 |
| 11 | Piedmonte (4) | 251 |
| 12 | Vasco De Beauvoir (18) | 236 |
| 13 | Hairy Fadjeetas (9) | 218 |
| 14 | Greendale Rockets (17) | 209 |
| 15 | Pikey Scum (15) | 198 |
| 16 | Bala Rinas (13) | 197 |
| 17 | Just Put Carles (5) | 184 |
| 18 | Wandsworth Window Lickers (19) | 169 |
| 19 | Woking (20) | 163 |
| 20 | Headless Chickens (16) | 152 |
No Sporting chance
Posted: April 9, 2013 Filed under: Cannestan Combi Cup, Weekly updates | Tags: administrative error, cup, De Beauvoir, fantasy football, fantasy premier league, football, gestapo headquarters, headless chickens, jordan henderson, league campaign, league crown, lesbians, london, mikel arteta, pub crawl, recount, soccer, sports Leave a comment
Sporting Lesbians: It got messy (Photo courtesy of Wet and Messy Photography)
CHANCES of a debut manager winning the Kenna league and cup double for the second season in a row came to an end today.
Sporting Lesbian, who have dominated this season’s league campaign since before anyone can remember, were found to have been dumped out of the Canesten Combi Cup quarter finals after a goal recount.
The Lesbians were initially thought to have progressed to the semi finals last week at the expense of Just Put Carles. It emerged that goals from JPC’s Mikel Arteta and Jordan Henderson were overlooked.
The administrative error led to fierce criticism of the Chairman who is alleged to have been dicking around in the former Gestapo headquarters in Warsaw instead of attending to league matters. He has denied everything.
The recount sees Just Put Carles, who have been resurgent in league form of late, pitted against Still Don’t Know Yet, who haven’t.
In the other semi final Spartak Mogadishu will face cup holders FC Testiculadew.
Known across the Kenna as ‘the tactical Brambler‘ for his underhand gamesmanship, the FCT manager is also looking to defend his league crown, but faces an uphill struggle as he attempts to claw back a 72-point lead from Sporting Lesbian in just six weeks.
For Spartak Mogadishu the cup holds the only chance left of picking up any prize money this season. The Pirates had challenged for third spot but – like Hairy Fadjeetas, Northern Monkeys and Newington Reds before them – their league campaign appears to have run out of steam.
At the bottom, Headless Chickens are just about keeping their, uh, necks above the waterline of the relegation zone.
Vasco De Beauvoir and Wandsworth Window Lickers are fast running out of time to mount a late charge for safety. The writing’s been on the wall a long time for Woking.
The cup semi final first leg will be held this weekend.
Another event being held this weekend is the Greenwich to Tower Bridge pub crawl. The bit of walking, 11 pubs and short boat trip is a follow up to the incredibly successful pub crawl of the number 38 London bus route in autumn. For more information contact the league.
Canesten Combi Cup quarter final recount
Sporting Lesbian 1 (3) – 3 (4) Just Put Carles
Michu Silva, Henderson, Arteta
League table
Week 31 – 9 April 2013
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | Judean Peoples’ Front | Sholto | 39 | 3 |
| 2 | Just put Carles | Carles | 34 | 1 |
| 3 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 32 | 2 |
| 4 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 31 | 1 |
| 5 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 27 | 2 |
| 6 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 26 | 1 |
| 7 | Piedmonte | Phil | 26 | 1 |
| 8 | Spartak Mogadishu | Abdi | 25 | 2 |
| 9 | Woking | Mike | 23 | 0 |
| 10 | PSV Mornington | El Pons | 21 | 1 |
| 11 | FC Testicluadew | James N | 20 | 1 |
| 12 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 20 | 0 |
| 13 | Wandsworth Window Lickers | Will | 20 | 0 |
| 14 | Newington Reds | Dudley | 19 | 0 |
| 15 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 17 | 1 |
| 16 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 14 | 0 |
| 17 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 12 | 1 |
| 18 | Vasco De Beauvoir | Stix | 12 | 0 |
| 19 | Headless Chickens | John N | 10 | 0 |
| 20 | Greendale Rockets | Stu | 9 | 0 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 11 | Rosicky, T – ARS – MID | ||
| Club | Unsigned |
Nothing to celebrate
Posted: January 10, 2013 Filed under: Cannestan Combi Cup, Weekly updates | Tags: celebration, cup game, daniel sturridge, emmanuel adebayor, fantasy football, fantasy premier league, football, goals, group game, headless chickens, soccer, sports Leave a comment
Step away from the party the popper: Celebrating goals is so 2012
A GARETH BALE goal was not enough to keep Bala Rinas from being dumped out of the Canesten Combi Cup.
Four hapless group game defeats left the side without a point, and with his team also struggling in the league the manager, yet to win a trophy in six years in Kenna, is under increasing pressure.
“People are saying that I’ve got no silverware, I can’t bring success to the club and I’ll never know the difference between riding the normal team coach and riding an open-top bus, but of course I knows the difference – one’s got a fcuking roof and one fcuking ‘asn’t,” sing songed the Welshman.
Bala Rinas weren’t the only ones not celebrating this week. Footballers are fashionable creatures, and a new craze has swept through the Kenna: not celebrating goals.
Cup results – 8 January 2013
In Group D, Daniel Sturridge found the net to help Just Put Carles to their first cup win and a chance at the next round, but ‘out of respect’ the England striker did not cheer after scoring against his former club Lokomotiv Leeds.
Emmanuel Adebayor scored against Pikey Scum to give Newington Reds a vital lifeline in Group C, but the Togolese had moved to Reds from Scum in the October transfer window and refused to acknowledge the notch, even though he continues to don leisurewear from another former club.
In the other Group C match there were remarkable scenes at FC Testiculadew’s ground, the Death Star, where no players celebrated any of the eight goals in Sporting Lesbian’s 7-1 destruction of the hosts.
Hairy Fadjeetas, on the end of five-goal thrashing by Headless Chickens, were the only side to have the decency to avoid any awkward embarrassment by not scoring any goals at all.
The final cup game will be played on 29 January, where the top four from each group will go through to the last 16 knockout draw.
Teams below in yellow have already qualified, teams in red are out.
Group A – 8 January 2013
Group B – 8 January 2013
Group C – 8 January 2013
Group D – 8 January 2013
League table
Week 19 – 8 January 2013
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 66 | 7 |
| 2 | Just put Carles | Carles | 54 | 4 |
| 3 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 54 | 1 |
| 4 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 51 | 4 |
| 5 | Headless Chickens | John N | 50 | 5 |
| 6 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 49 | 3 |
| 7 | Piedmonte | Phil | 48 | 2 |
| 8 | Spartak Mogadishu | Abdi | 46 | 1 |
| 9 | PSV Mornington | El Pons | 45 | 3 |
| 10 | Greendale Rockets | Stu | 42 | 1 |
| 11 | Woking | Mike | 40 | 3 |
| 12 | FC Testicluadew | James N | 40 | 1 |
| 13 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 38 | 1 |
| 14 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 38 | 0 |
| 15 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 37 | 3 |
| 16 | Vasco De Beauvoir | Stix | 36 | 1 |
| 17 | Newington Reds | Dudley | 35 | 1 |
| 18 | Judean Peoples’ Front | Sholto | 33 | 1 |
| 19 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 33 | 1 |
| 20 | Wandsworth Window Lickers | Will | 29 | 1 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 21 | Suarez, L – LIV – STR | ||
| Club | Sporting Lesbian |
A Christmas Carroll
Posted: December 25, 2012 Filed under: Weekly updates | Tags: andy carroll, christmas, dickens, fantasy football, fantasy premier league, football, headless chickens, mince pie, mr kipling, sherry, soccer, sports Leave a comment
Pie in the sky: Andy Carroll has pledged to his manager to score more goals
A KNOCK at the door announced the manager’s two o’clock meeting. Brief fumbling at the knob was followed by the entrance of the team’s star striker.
“Hello, Andy. Please take a seat. Have a mince pie,” said the Headless Chickens manager from behind his desk.
The lofty striker approached the chair eyeing the plate of Mr Kipling’s on the desk. Sitting down, he picked up one of the pies, sniffed it gingerly and wolfed it down.
“Andy, I’ve asked you in today to talk about your performances,” said the manager. “Remember at the start of the season…”
“Andy did a goal!” Interrupted the striker, banging his fists on the arm rests, wild excitement in his eyes.
“Yes, back at the start of the season Andy ‘did a goal'” conceded the Chickens manager. “But the problem is that Andy hasn’t scored many goals since then.”
The striker looked at the floor with sorrowful eyes and then meekly up at his manager.
“Well, we’re really here about a serious matter but…oh, alright then, but only because it’s Christmas,” the manager produced a banana from a drawer and threw it at the striker, who greedily unpeeled and ate it. The procedure demeaned them both, but the Chickens target man was always calmed by the yellow fruit and the manager had just had new carpets fitted.
“Now, Andy, remember those days when you first played in the Kenna?” said the manager.
“Andy did a goal! Andy did a goal! Andy did a goal!” Screamed the striker over and over again, jumping up and down on the chair and beating his fists on his chest.
After congratulating himself for not offering the glass of sherry the season’s custom had supplied his other visitors that day, the manager stood and tried to calm his player down, as always having to fall back on the usual ultimatum: “Look Andy, if you don’t stop this now, you’ll have to stay at Uncle Kevin’s house again!”
The effect was immediate. Andy stopped dry humping the cocktail cabinet and returned to his seat.
“Now Andy, unless you start producing the goods (no, put that away!) I’ve got no alternative than to put you on the transfer list for February’s window, and you know what that means.”
The striker nodded slowly. Everyone knew what it meant but the manager wanted to make his point.
“It means you’ll end up playing for some relegation-doomed outfit like Woking or Vasco De Beauvoir when everyone’s scratching around for players at the end of the transfer night. And do you think the managers there will give you bananas? So, you’re going to start ‘doing’ goals and you’re going to start ‘doing’ goals good.
“Now onto brighter things. It’s the club Christmas party tonight. By the way, what was your last club’s Christmas party like?”
The striker grinned: “Andy did a hole!”
League table
Week 17 – 25 December 2012
Weekly scores
| Manager | Points | Goals | ||
| 1 | FC Testicluadew | James N | 41 | 2 |
| 2 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 40 | 1 |
| 3 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 38 | 2 |
| 4 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 36 | 2 |
| 5 | Newington Reds | Dudley | 35 | 2 |
| 6 | Piedmonte | Phil | 35 | 1 |
| 7 | Spartak Mogadishu | Abdi | 30 | 3 |
| 8 | Greendale Rockets | Stu | 28 | 1 |
| 9 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 26 | 1 |
| 10 | Vasco De Beauvoir | Stix | 25 | 2 |
| 11 | Just put Carles | Carles | 25 | 1 |
| 12 | Judean Peoples’ Front | Sholto | 25 | 0 |
| 13 | PSV Mornington | El Pons | 21 | 0 |
| 14 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 19 | 1 |
| 15 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 18 | 0 |
| 16 | Headless Chickens | John N | 18 | 0 |
| 17 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 14 | 1 |
| 18 | Wandsworth Window Lickers | Will | 14 | 0 |
| 19 | Woking | Mike | 12 | 0 |
| 20 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 10 | 0 |
| Points | Player | |||
| Player of the week | 13 | Gerrard, S – LIV – MID | ||
| Club | Still Don’t Know Yet |
FC Testiculadew scoop double on debut
Posted: May 14, 2012 Filed under: Cannestan Combi Cup, Weekly updates | Tags: alan hansen, alleviate, dan terry seduction, De Beauvoir, double, edin dzeko, end of season, headless chickens, James N, jolly roger, league and cup, leeds, lokomotiv, manager of the month, newington reds, p45, pirate, polonia forsyth, prize, soccer, spartak mogadishu, sports, symptoms, thieving magpies, victor moses, wayne rooney, yaya toure Leave a comment
Jolly Roger: The Spartak Mogaishu had plenty to smile about after coming from behind to take fifth
EDIN Dzeko and Wayne Rooney both netted on the last day of the season to help FC Testiculadew win a historic double.
In his debut Kenna season, the FCT manager picked up the Cannestan Combi Cup on the final day, sweeping aside sibling rival the Headless Chickens boss.
FCT added the cup to their league title, where their dominance and the rest of the table’s complete capitulation led to an official inquiry being opened.
“It’s an itch I’ve been dying to scratch since Christmas. The feeling when you win the Kenna, it’s pretty special, like the smell of mown grass on a spring day or finding a cream that can really alleviate the symptoms,” said a jubilant FCT manager, who’ll scoop a combined prize total of £190, without counting manager of the month awards.
The Lokomotiv Leeds manager, another debutant and the only serious challenger to FCT, took second place 119 points behind.
“The £57 prize will go a long way towards rejuvenating the squad over the summer,” said the Leeds manager, who looks unlikely to be able to retain the services of Victor Moses for the £3m he paid last summer.
Kenna veteran the Newington Reds manager came third, winning £19.
Defending Kenna champion the Young Boys of Kilburn gaffer finished fourth.
FCT become the second club in history to take the double. The only other club to achieve that feat, Vasco De Beauvoir, finished the season just one place above relegation.
The managers of the Dan Terry Seduction, Thieving Magpies and Polonia Forsyth all collected their P45s.
“In the end the league got a little predictable, but in many ways this was a fantastic season. Special mention has to the go to the Spartak Mogadishu manager. It all looked lost back in October when he picked up Turkey of the Month, but he’s finished the season just outside the top four – remarkable considering his haphazard bidding technique,” said the Chairman to the gathered masses from the balcony of Kenna HQ.
Everyone else finished mid-table.
January to May’s manager of the month awards, player of the week tallies and Alan Hansen’s coloured performance chart will be published later in the week, to go with the stats from the first half of the season.
Weekly scores – 15 May 2012
Thrush ‘n’ roulette
Posted: May 10, 2012 Filed under: Cannestan Combi Cup | Tags: american cousins, clint dempsey, edin dzeko, haedless chickens, headless chickens, James N, juan mata, lamplighters, occasional, pavel pogrebnyak, renaissance, robert huth, scalp hunter, sibling rivals, smiley, spartak moscow, steve morison, theo walcott, wayne rooney Leave a comment
Everything on red: Chickens are banking on former Spartak Moscow centre forward Pogrebnyak
PAVEL Pogrebnyak is tipped to be the key man when the wheel spins in Sunday’s Cannestan Combi Cup showdown.
The Headless Chickens scalp hunter has led a mid-season renaissance at the club, who must go into Sunday’s game as underdogs against the omnipotent, title-winning form of FC Testiculadew.
Lamplighters through the knock-out stages of the tournament, there’ll be no love lost between sibling rivals the FCT and Chickens managers.
The Chickens boss will hope goalscoring occasionals Steve Morison, Robert Huth and Theo Walcott will also hit a gold stream in what promises to be a ding-dong tie.
With Edin Dzeko less smiley over the last few months, the FCT manager will look to stalwarts Wayne Rooney, Juan Mata and incredible import from the American cousins Clint Dempsey to make it the double.
Load-blowing semis
Posted: April 26, 2012 Filed under: Cannestan Combi Cup, Weekly updates | Tags: camp nou, europe, gary neville, goalgasm, hairy fadjeetas, headless chickens, James N, mornington, pavel pogrebnyak, psv, semi final Leave a comment
No one envied the Camp Nou commentary box cleaners that night
TWO semi final second legs enthralled Europe with nail-biting drama this week as the Cannestan Combi Cup reached towards climax.
As Gary Neville struggled to explain the mess in the press section, FC Testiculadew celebrated progression to the mother of all sibling rivalries in the May final.
Oppenents PSV Mornington offered little resistance, the gaffer’s advocation of ‘The Barcelona Way’ nullified by signings Andy Carroll and Jermaine Defoe. A mid-table finish awaits.
FCT will face Pavel Pogrebnyak’s Headless Chickens, whose comprehensive second-leg turnaround left Hairy Fadjeetas to fully concentrate on their relegation battle.
“We just kept pumping it into their box and in the end gave them a right going over,” said the Chickens manager, pulling a stray whisker from his teeth.
Cup semi final second leg results
FC Testiculadew 40 (94) – 26 (62) PSV Mornington
Headless Chickens 36 (64) – 12 (48) Hairy Fadjeetas
The final will be held between FC Testiculadew and Headless Chickens on Sunday 13 May.
Download the full scores, tables and much more from the ‘Details’ box on the right hand side of the page.
Weekly scores - 24 April 2012
A Tale of Two Cissés
Posted: April 11, 2012 Filed under: Cannestan Combi Cup, Weekly updates | Tags: charles dickens, cisse, cup, dijbrial, hairy fadjeetas, headless chickens, James N, papiss, pikey scum, psv, soccer, spartak, sports, tale of two cities Leave a comment
"It is a melancholy truth that even great men have their poor relations."
IT WAS the best of times, it was the worst of times.
It was the £500k of wisdom, it was the £13m of foolishness.
It was the of 10 goals and assist of belief, it was the two goals and red card of incredulity.
It was the 76 points of Light, it was the 15 points of Darkness.
It was the spring of Spartak Mogadishu, it was the winter of Pikey Scum.
We had a league renaissance before us, we had a quarter-final cup exit behind us.
We were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way.
In short, the period showed that Papiss had so utterly outclassed Dijbrial since their January arrival in the Kenna, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted, for good or for evil, the name Cissé was in the superlative degree of comparison only.
Cup semi final first leg results
FC Testiculadew 54 – 36 PSV Mornington
Headless Chickens 28 – 34 Hairy Fadjeetas
Snog Marry Avoid
Posted: April 3, 2012 Filed under: Weekly updates | Tags: fadjeetas, FC, gavin henson, hairy, headless chickens, lokomotiv leeds, mario balotelli, mary poppins, polonia, psv, roberto mancini, sourpuss, walking on air 3 Comments
Spoonful of sugar: Balotelli has Polonia boss walking on air
ROBERTO Mancini may be critical of the performance, but Mario Balotelli certainly put a smile on the face of his Kenna manager on Saturday.
Turning his shots into more success than Gavin Henson on a morning flight to Cardiff, the maverick striker’s 12 points have lifted Polonia Forsyth to a good position in the relegation fight.
The bottom-placed club now lie just 27 points off salvation; roughly equal to two ‘troubled’ Balotelli performances.
“I’d snog Gavin, marry lovely Mario and avoid that sourpuss Roberto,” said the Polonia boss when asked how she copes with the pressure of the drop zone.
Meanwhile, Kenna HQ insist there’s still plenty to be excited about at the top of the table despite the growing inevitability of FC Testiculadew and Lokomotiv Leeds‘ first and second places.
“This morning we had a three-hour item at the board meeting about whether we should put little arrows on next season’s table graphic to indicate changing league positions. It’s all work, work, work,” said the Chairman before disappearing to the golf course for the afternoon.
This weekend sees the Cannestan Combi Cup semi final first leg.
In what’s being dubbed the Pussy Chicken derby, Hairy Fadjeetas take on Headless Chickens.
FCT play PSV Mornington in the other game. No witty derby name for that one.
Download a full breakdown of the scores from the ‘Details’ box on the right hand side of this page.
Weekly scores - 3 April 2012
Torres comes prematurely for Fadjeetas cup hopes
Posted: March 24, 2012 Filed under: Cannestan Combi Cup, Weekly updates | Tags: dynamo charlton, fernando torres, foregone conclusion, hairy fadjeetas, headless chickens, jonny evans, pikey scum, quarter final, religion, sports, stewart downing Leave a comment
Touched: Religion has played a key role for Torres
FERNANDO Torres finally had his prayers answered but his exalted performance may have come a week too early.
Two goals, two assists and a first player-of-the-week award from the £27.5m Spaniard put Hairy Fadjeetas top of this week’s scoring charts.
A goal, assist and clean sheet from Jonny Evans and a goal and assist from Stewart Downing completed the rout.
“Typical, my team’s best showing all season comes a week early. I just hope Fernando’s form remains,” said the Fadges boss ahead of his side’s crunch quarter-final second leg against Dynamo Charlton.
Nine points separate the teams after the first leg.
Only one of the quarter-final ties looks like a foregone conclusion after Pikey Scum’s first leg demolition 49 – 16 by Headless Chickens.
Due to technical issues at Kenna HQ the latest table is only available by downloading the spreadsheet in the ‘details’ box.
The Jeff Kenna League 
