Harry takes the Wii

Nintendo Wii

Taking the Wii: Kenna managers have accused Harry Redknapp of using punditry appearances as a shop window

A COLLECTIVE sigh of relief was heard on Friday in the vicinity of the relegation zone as Harry Redknapp took a new job.

The Bala Rinas, Woking and Vasco De Beauvoir managers were finding the maverick cockney’s ever-increasing punditry appearances uncomfortable viewing as he hinted at his future with every piece of analysis.

After seeing highlights of another awful performance from the last-placed club, Match of the Day’s Gary Lineker came straight out with it a week last Saturday, asking Redknapp if he fancied the job.

“As a recognised specialist of taking the reins of a struggling club just before the January transfer window and turning their fortunes around with a few chance signings that will financially drive them into the ground a couple of years after I’ve left, it would be inappropriate of me to comment on whether I’d take the job,” said Redknapp as a text from the Bala Rinas board with details of possible bonus payments for avoiding relegation silently buzzed in his jacket pocket.

“I happened to be in the De Beauvoir area this week, just driving around,” continued a deadpan Redknapp. “A TV reporter stopped me outside the ground and I did a quick interview through the car window like.

“He asked me if I’d seen the team’s latest defeat on the Roger Mellie, but I had to confess I hadn’t. I don’t get much chance to watch football because the daughter-in-law’s always round on the Nintendo Wii.

“Anyway, I’d rather watch her playing Just Dance 4 than this bunch of muppets.”

Canesten Combi Cup – latest scores

Ten matches have already been played in this week’s Cup group stage bumper fixture list. With another 10 to go only Headless Chickens have a clear advantage, although how their manager must rue selling Theo Walcott in the transfer window.

Cup scores latest - 28 November 2012

Cup scores latest – 28 November 2012

League table

Week 13 - 27 November 2012

Week 13 – 27 November 2012

Weekly scores

Manager Points Goals
1 Greendale Rockets Stu 40 1
2 Judean Peoples’ Front Sholto 37 0
3 Spartak Mogadishu Abdi 34 2
4 Headless Chickens John N 33 1
5 Newington Reds Dudley 31 2
6 FC Testicluadew James N 31 1
7 Bala Rinas Lewis 30 1
8 Sporting Lesbian Ben M 26 1
9 Piedmonte Phil 25 0
10 Hairy Fadjeetas Aiden 23 2
11 Woking Mike 22 1
12 Just put Carles Carles 21 0
13 Still Don’t Know Yet Pete 21 0
14 Pikey Scum Jack 19 0
15 Wandsworth Window Lickers Will 19 0
16 PSV Mornington El Pons 16 0
17 Dynamo Charlton Alex 15 0
18 Lokomotiv Leeds Ben S 14 0
19 Vasco De Beauvoir Stix 14 0
20 Northern Monkeys Hugo 13 0
Points Player
Player of the week 17 Gomez, J – WIG – MID
Club Unsigned
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Alan Hansen’s coloured performance chart

George Bush gets down

“No, no, no, that’s wrong. This is how you ask for marajuana in Coldharbour Lane.”

LIKE KING Kenny’s chances of being down with the kids of Brixton, the season is well and truly over.

To complement January’s big mid-season review, the Kenna has added the second half’s performance chart to the mix (below).

Back in early January, Lokomotiv Leeds had enjoyed a prosperous Christmas and dislodged FC Testiculadew from the top of the table.

FCT’s response was emphatic.

Producing what will probably turn out to be one of the highest-scoring months in Kenna history, Wayne Rooney & co were so rampant for the first four weeks of the calendar year that their manager wasn’t even inclined to attend the February transfer window.

Having lost Yaya Touré to the battlefields of Africa, Lokomotiv’s form nosedived in January and February, leaving FCT to sail over the line.

Meanwhile at the other end, Polonia Forsyth didn’t exceed average performance for the entire season.

Lurliners, Vasco De Beauvoir and the Dan Terry Seduction almost joined them.

So what does the aristocrat of Match of the Day punditry make of all this?

“Pace. Power. Determination. FC Testiculadew have it all in hatfuls.

“Solid at the back. Tight in midfield. When they get the ball in the final third, they’ve got that killer pass that makes all the difference.

“If I were to describe them in one word, it would be ‘quality’.

“When I was at Liverpool…”

We’re sure Alan will be back to provide some more insightful analysis in the near future.

Alan Hansen's coloured performance chart 2011-12

Alan Hansen’s coloured performance chart 2011-12