Chairman challenges Chris Evans comments
Posted: September 26, 2012 Filed under: Weekly updates | Tags: anders breivik, ashley williams, bbc, buffoonery, character reference, chris evans, fantasy football, fantasy premier league, football, inappropriate jokes, judean peoples' front, mail on sunday, radio 2, soccer 2 CommentsBROADCASTER Chris Evans is to have his eyes tested after writing a glowing character reference of the Judean Peoples’ Front manager in his weekly column.
In the Mail on Sunday magazine at the weekend, the BBC Radio 2 host said the Judean Peoples’ Front boss was: “Top of the class, solid gold, as good as it gets.”
But senior figures at Kenna HQ have taken exception to the description by the bespectacled entertainer, which they claim bears no resemblance to the loud buffoonery and poor performance associated with the Welshman’s four-year league career.
“While we appreciate the noble cause that led to the article being written, we cannot let such fulsome praise of the Judean Peoples’ Front manager pass unchallenged,” said the Chairman at a press conference in lounge bar of the King’s Arms, Waterloo.
“Mr Evans’ comment about the JPF manager being ‘modest like that. All the best men are’ is wholly inaccurate taking into consideration a Kenna League tenure marked by poor man management skills, inappropriate jokes about hair colour and worrying parallels with Norwegian gunmen.”
It has been a controversial year for the Welshman. In the February transfer window, a leaked email – in what became known as the Ashley Williams affair – sparked outrage when he was found to have called his members of his first team an ‘under performing bunch of tossers’.
In April, when the team was found to have the fewest black minority ethnic players, the manager was forced to dismiss reports that his similarity to Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik only ended at looks.
Judean Peoples’ Front went on to finish a disappointing ninth last season, the manager’s highest achievement in three campaigns at the helm.
Asked how he thought someone could draw such wild conclusions about the JPF boss, the Chairman said: “He’s obviously never sold Chris Evans a car.”
League table
Weekly scores
Manager | Points | Goals | ||
1 | Spartak Mogadishu | Abdi | 36 | 3 |
2 | Piedmonte | Phil | 29 | 4 |
3 | Wandsworth Window Lickers | Will | 29 | 3 |
4 | Judean Peoples’ Front | Sholto | 29 | 2 |
5 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 27 | 2 |
6 | Woking | Mike | 27 | 0 |
7 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 26 | 2 |
8 | FC Testicluadew | James N | 25 | 0 |
9 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 25 | 0 |
10 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 24 | 0 |
11 | PSV Mornington | El Pons | 23 | 1 |
12 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 23 | 0 |
13 | Just put Carles | Carles | 22 | 0 |
14 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 16 | 0 |
15 | Greendale Rockets | Stu | 16 | 0 |
16 | Headless Chickens | John N | 15 | 0 |
17 | Newington Reds | Dudley | 15 | 0 |
18 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 15 | 0 |
19 | Vasco De Beauvoir | Stix | 15 | 0 |
20 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 14 | 0 |
Points | Player | |||
Player of the week | 15 | Lambert, R – SOT – STR | ||
Club | Piedmonte |
Kenna club guide – Midlands and West
Posted: September 23, 2012 Filed under: Weekly updates | Tags: aston villa, club, fantasy football, football, premier league, premiership, soccer, stoke, swansea, west brom Leave a commentImmediately identify Kenna players in Midlands and West clubs: Aston Villa, Stoke, Swansea and West Brom.
Aston Villa
Given, S | GK | Dynamo Charlton | £13m |
Dunne, R | DEF | Greendale Rockets | £3.5m |
Hutton, A | DEF | Judean Peoples’ Front | £0.5m |
Warnock, S | DEF | Hairy Fadjeetas | £2m |
Holman, B | MID | Lokomotiv Leeds | £0.5m |
N’Zogbia, C | MID | Sporting Lesbian | £6.5m |
El Ahmadi, K | MID | Pikey Scum | £3m |
Ireland, S | MID | Woking | £7m |
Delph, F | MID | Northern Monkeys | £7.5m |
Agbonlahor, G | STR | PSV Mornington | £7m |
Bent, D | STR | Piedmonte | £16m |
Stoke
Sorensen, T | GK | Woking | £4m |
Wilson, M | DEF | Sporting Lesbian | £2m |
Huth, R | DEF | Pikey Scum | £5m |
Shawcross, R | DEF | Spartak Mogadishu | £11m |
Upson, M | DEF | Dynamo Charlton | £2.5m |
Delap, R | MID | PSV Mornington | £0.5m |
Pennant, J | MID | Vasco De Beauvoir | £1m |
Kightly, M | MID | Greendale Rockets | £5m |
Etherington, M | MID | Newington Reds | £6m |
Walters, J | STR | Lokomotiv Leeds | £7m |
Crouch, P | STR | FC Testicluadew | £2m |
Swansea
Taylor, N | DEF | Greendale Rockets | £0.5m |
Rangel, A | DEF | Newington Reds | £3m |
Williams, A | DEF | Hairy Fadjeetas | £3.5m |
Michu | MID | Sporting Lesbian | £2.5m |
Routledge, W | MID | Headless Chickens | £1m |
Britton, L | MID | Judean Peoples’ Front | £0.5m |
Sinclair, S | MID | FC Testicluadew | £11m |
Dyer, N | MID | Piedmonte | £10m |
Lita, L | STR | Vasco De Beauvoir | £20m |
Graham, D | STR | Dynamo Charlton | £10m |
West Brom
Foster, B | GK | Sporting Lesbian | £6.5m |
McAuley, G | DEF | Vasco De Beauvoir | £0.5m |
Olsson, J | DEF | Just put Carles | £0.5m |
Tamas, G | DEF | Woking | £5.5m |
Morrison, J | MID | Still Don’t Know Yet | £2.5m |
Brunt, C | MID | Pikey Scum | £4m |
Mulumbu, Y | MID | Newington Reds | £1.5m |
Lukaku, R | STR | Spartak Mogadishu | £14m |
Odemwingie, P | STR | Wandsworth Window Lickers | £6m |
London club guide
North west club guide
North east club guide
East and South club guide
Kenna club guide – East and South
Posted: September 23, 2012 Filed under: Weekly updates | Tags: club, fantasy football, football, norwich, premier league, premiership, reading, soccer, southampton Leave a commentImmediately identify Kenna players in east and south Premier League clubs: Norwich, Reading and Southampton.
Norwich
Ruddy, J | GK | FC Testicluadew | £1.5m |
Pilkington, A | MID | Headless Chickens | £3.5m |
Snodgrass, R | MID | Dynamo Charlton | £6.5m |
Hoolahan, W | MID | Hairy Fadjeetas | £2.5m |
Holt, G | STR | Bala Rinas | £9m |
Reading
Federici, A | GK | Lokomotiv Leeds | £0.5m |
Harte, I | DEF | Vasco De Beauvoir | £10m |
Pearce, A | DEF | Northern Monkeys | £3m |
McCleary, G | MID | Hairy Fadjeetas | £0.5m |
Pogrebnyak, P | STR | Pikey Scum | £8.5m |
Southampton
Gazzaniga, P | GK | PSV Mornington | £4.5m |
Clyne, N | DEF | Wandsworth Window Lickers | £6m |
Lallana, A | MID | Spartak Mogadishu | £14m |
Sharp, B | STR | Woking | £1.5m |
Lambert, R | STR | Piedmonte | £13m |
London club guide
North west club guide
North east club guide
Midlands and West club guide
Kenna club guide – North east
Posted: September 23, 2012 Filed under: Weekly updates | Tags: club, fantasy football, football, newcastle, premier league, premiership, soccer, sunderland Leave a commentImmediately identify Kenna players in north east Premier League clubs: Newcastle and Sunderland.
Newcastle
Krul, T | GK | Spartak Mogadishu | £21m |
Ferguson, S | DEF | Still Don’t Know Yet | £1m |
Santon, D | DEF | Sporting Lesbian | £4m |
Williamson, M | DEF | Greendale Rockets | £4m |
Taylor, S | DEF | Dynamo Charlton | £5m |
Simpson, D | DEF | FC Testicluadew | £6.5m |
Coloccini, F | DEF | Piedmonte | £10m |
Taylor, R | MID | Lokomotiv Leeds | £0.5m |
Marveaux, S | MID | Bala Rinas | £2m |
Gutierrez, J | MID | Vasco De Beauvoir | £5m |
Tiote, C | MID | Judean Peoples’ Front | £0.5m |
Ben Arfa, H | MID | Hairy Fadjeetas | £6.5m |
Cabaye, Y | MID | Woking | £17m |
Ba, D | STR | PSV Mornington | £17m |
Cisse, P | STR | Northern Monkeys | £15m |
Sunderland
Mignolet, S | GK | Hairy Fadjeetas | £5.5m |
Brown, W | DEF | PSV Mornington | £3m |
Bardsley, P | DEF | Headless Chickens | £2.5m |
Cuellar, C | DEF | Dynamo Charlton | £4m |
O’Shea, J | DEF | Wandsworth Window Lickers | £5.5m |
Johnson, A | MID | Piedmonte | £4.5m |
McClean, J | MID | Bala Rinas | £14m |
Cattermole, L | MID | Still Don’t Know Yet | £2.5m |
Sessegnon, S | MID | Sporting Lesbian | £13m |
Larsson, S | MID | Woking | £9m |
Campbell, F | STR | Spartak Mogadishu | £0.5m |
London club guide
North west club guide
East and South club guide
Midlands and West club guide
Kenna club guide – North west
Posted: September 22, 2012 Filed under: Weekly updates | Tags: club, everton, football, liverpool, manchester city, manchester united, north west, premier league, premiership, soccer, wigan Leave a commentImmediately identify Kenna players in north west Premier League clubs: Everton, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United and Wigan Athletic.
Everton
Howard, T | GK | Newington Reds | £8m |
Baines, L | DEF | Woking | £22m |
Distin, S | DEF | Northern Monkeys | £6m |
Neville, P | DEF | Bala Rinas | £4m |
Jagielka, P | DEF | Still Don’t Know Yet | £7.5m |
Heitinga, J | DEF | PSV Mornington | £6m |
Hibbert, T | DEF | Vasco De Beauvoir | £5m |
Osman, L | MID | Just put Carles | £0.5m |
Fellaini, M | MID | Wandsworth Window Lickers | £9m |
Pienaar, S | MID | FC Testicluadew | £12m |
Jelavic, N | STR | Judean Peoples’ Front | £21m |
Liverpool
Reina, P | GK | Greendale Rockets | £16m |
Agger, D | DEF | Bala Rinas | £15m |
Skrtel, M | DEF | Newington Reds | £17m |
Enrique, J | DEF | Judean Peoples’ Front | £13m |
Carragher, J | DEF | Wandsworth Window Lickers | £0.5m |
Johnson, G | DEF | Piedmonte | £8m |
Downing, S | MID | Pikey Scum | £8m |
Gerrard, S | MID | Still Don’t Know Yet | £15m |
Leiva, L | MID | PSV Mornington | £0.5m |
Henderson, J | MID | Just put Carles | £0.5m |
Allen, J | MID | Woking | £7m |
Borini, F | STR | Vasco De Beauvoir | £19m |
Suarez, L | STR | Sporting Lesbian | £36m |
Manchester City
Hart, J | GK | Judean Peoples’ Front | £22m |
Savic, S | DEF | Bala Rinas | £10m |
Zabaleta, P | DEF | Greendale Rockets | £7m |
Kompany, V | DEF | Headless Chickens | £18m |
Lescott, J | DEF | Hairy Fadjeetas | £12m |
Richards, M | DEF | Woking | £12m |
Milner, J | MID | Newington Reds | £0.5m |
Silva, D | MID | Just put Carles | £32m |
Nasri, S | MID | Wandsworth Window Lickers | £15m |
Toure, Y | MID | FC Testicluadew | £21m |
Balotelli, M | STR | Still Don’t Know Yet | £23m |
Aguero, S | STR | Sporting Lesbian | £12m |
Adebayor, E | STR | Pikey Scum | £0.5m |
Tevez, C | STR | Dynamo Charlton | £30m |
Dzeko, E | STR | Northern Monkeys | £1.5m |
Manchester United
de Gea, D | GK | Pikey Scum | £19m |
Ferdinand, R | DEF | Vasco De Beauvoir | £6.5m |
Evra, P | DEF | Spartak Mogadishu | £15m |
Jones, P | DEF | Headless Chickens | £9.5m |
Vidic, N | DEF | FC Testicluadew | £13m |
Rafael | DEF | Piedmonte | £2m |
Kagawa, S | MID | Lokomotiv Leeds | £26m |
Nani | MID | Bala Rinas | £15m |
Carrick, M | MID | Dynamo Charlton | £2.5m |
Valencia, A | MID | Judean Peoples’ Front | £17m |
Cleverley, T | MID | Northern Monkeys | £8.5m |
Young, A | MID | Wandsworth Window Lickers | £15m |
Rooney, W | STR | Greendale Rockets | £38m |
Welbeck, D | STR | Just put Carles | £7m |
Hernandez, J | STR | Woking | £5.5m |
van Persie, R | STR | Still Don’t Know Yet | £35m |
Wigan Athletic
Al-Habsi, A | GK | Vasco De Beauvoir | £2.5m |
Figueroa, M | DEF | Sporting Lesbian | £0.5m |
Boyce, E | DEF | Pikey Scum | £0.5m |
Alcaraz, A | DEF | Just put Carles | £0.5m |
Miyaichi, R | MID | Newington Reds | £5.5m |
London club guide
North east club guide
East and South club guide
Midlands and West club guide
Kenna club guide – London
Posted: September 22, 2012 Filed under: Weekly updates | Tags: arsenal, chelsea, football, fulham, london, premier league, premiership, qpr, soccer, spurs, west ham Leave a commentImmediately identify Kenna players in London clubs: Arsenal, Chelsea, Fulham, QPR, Spurs and West Ham
Arsenal
Szczesny, W | GK | Wandsworth Window Lickers | £19m |
Gibbs, K | DEF | Sporting Lesbian | £15m |
Sagna, B | DEF | Pikey Scum | £11m |
Koscielny, L | DEF | Spartak Mogadishu | £17m |
Vermaelen, T | DEF | Newington Reds | £17m |
Squillaci, S | DEF | Judean Peoples’ Front | £0.5m |
Santos, A | DEF | Woking | £2.5m |
Rosicky, T | MID | Vasco De Beauvoir | £1.5m |
Walcott, T | MID | Headless Chickens | £17m |
Chamberlain, A | MID | Dynamo Charlton | £8.5m |
Arteta, M | MID | Just put Carles | £16m |
Cazorla, S | MID | Northern Monkeys | £7.5m |
Giroud, O | STR | Lokomotiv Leeds | £6m |
Gervinho | STR | Greendale Rockets | £0.5m |
Chamakh, M | STR | Hairy Fadjeetas | £16.5m |
Podolski, L | STR | FC Testicluadew | £11m |
Chelsea
Cech, P | GK | Headless Chickens | £19m |
Ivanovic, B | DEF | Lokomotiv Leeds | £10m |
Cahill, G | DEF | Pikey Scum | £7.5m |
Cole, A | DEF | Judean Peoples’ Front | £17m |
Terry, J | DEF | Northern Monkeys | £14m |
Luiz, D | DEF | FC Testicluadew | £3m |
Mata, J | MID | PSV Mornington | £28m |
Marin, M | MID | Sporting Lesbian | £0.5m |
Ramires | MID | Vasco De Beauvoir | £12m |
Meireles, R | MID | Greendale Rockets | £6m |
Oscar | MID | Dynamo Charlton | £5.5m |
Hazard, E | MID | Hairy Fadjeetas | £26m |
McEachran, J | MID | Wandsworth Window Lickers | £9m |
Moses, V | MID | Bala Rinas | £12m |
Lampard, F | MID | Piedmonte | £16m |
Torres, F | STR | Newington Reds | £37m |
Sturridge, D | STR | Just put Carles | £20m |
Fulham
Schwarzer, M | GK | Just put Carles | £0.5m |
Riise, J | DEF | Lokomotiv Leeds | £10m |
Senderos, P | DEF | PSV Mornington | £5m |
Riether, S | DEF | Spartak Mogadishu | £0.5m |
Hughes, A | DEF | Hairy Fadjeetas | £4m |
Hangeland, B | DEF | Northern Monkeys | £11m |
Frei, K | MID | FC Testicluadew | £5.5m |
Rodallega, H | STR | Judean Peoples’ Front | £0.5m |
QPR
Green, R | GK | Piedmonte | £0.5m |
Fabio | DEF | Lokomotiv Leeds | £0.5m |
Ferdinand, A | DEF | Still Don’t Know Yet | £4m |
Fabio | DEF | PSV Mornington | £5m |
Nelsen, R | DEF | Newington Reds | £0.5m |
Young, L | DEF | Dynamo Charlton | £4m |
Taarabt, A | MID | Spartak Mogadishu | £1m |
W-Phillips, S | MID | Greendale Rockets | £6m |
Park, J | MID | Northern Monkeys | £6m |
Cisse, D | STR | Bala Rinas | £12m |
Zamora, B | STR | Wandsworth Window Lickers | £2m |
Spurs
Friedel, B | GK | Northern Monkeys | £0.5m |
Kaboul, Y | DEF | Bala Rinas | £6.5m |
Dawson, M | DEF | Headless Chickens | £6m |
Walker, K | DEF | Just put Carles | £12m |
Assou-Ekotto, B | DEF | Wandsworth Window Lickers | £7m |
Vertonghen, J | DEF | FC Testicluadew | £13m |
Sigurdsson, G | MID | Lokomotiv Leeds | £20m |
Bale, G | MID | Pikey Scum | £30m |
Modric, L | MID | Spartak Mogadishu | £1m |
Lennon, A | MID | Greendale Rockets | £8.5m |
Parker, S | MID | Judean Peoples’ Front | £0.5m |
van der Vaart, R | MID | Piedmonte | £17m |
Dempsey, C | MID | Headless Chickens | £21m |
Dembele, M | STR | Newington Reds | £2.5m |
Defoe, J | STR | Hairy Fadjeetas | £13m |
West Ham
Jaaskelainen, J | GK | Bala Rinas | £0.5m |
Collins, J | DEF | Just put Carles | £0.5m |
Tomkins, J | DEF | Piedmonte | £3m |
O’Neil, G | MID | Still Don’t Know Yet | £0.5m |
Noble, M | MID | PSV Mornington | £8m |
Nolan, K | MID | Spartak Mogadishu | £5m |
Cole, C | STR | Headless Chickens | £1.5m |
Carroll, A | STR | Headless Chickens | £1m |
North west club guide
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Arfa Job: Luxury Man
Posted: September 18, 2012 Filed under: Weekly updates | Tags: bbc, chaise longue, danny mills, everton, fantasy football, fin de siecle, football, hairy fadjeetas, hatem ben arfa, leroy lita, luxury, luxury player, marouane chamakh, micah richards, newcastle, premier league, radio, soccer, tomas rosicky Leave a commentHAIRY FADJEETAS have hit out at BBC Radio Five Live after commentators branded Hatem Ben Arfa ‘a luxury man’.
The criticism came during the first half of last night’s match at Goodison Park as Ben Arfa continued to waste possession despite his team struggling in midfield at 1-0 down.
Comments made by summariser Danny Mills outraged the Hairy Fadjeetas midfielder’s manager.
“I’d like to see Five Live bring their ‘analysis’ to the bearpit that is the Kenna and then talk about luxuries,” he fumed from his Regency chaise longue in between mouthfuls After Eight mints dipped in asses’ milk fed to him by the woman who popped Marouane Chamakh’s cherry.
Luxury league
A ‘luxury player’ is considered to be someone whose individual talent can turn a game in his team’s favour, but who contributes little actual work to the side.
Identifying luxury players in general is largely a matter of opinion, but in the Kenna there’s a hard and fast rule.
Below, Kenna teams are ordered into a hierarchy of money spent on players who so far have contributed nothing to their side’s campaign.
Woking top the list, by virtue of having the most players on nil points, including that most profligate of signings – a luxury player in goal. Cynics might say that at one place off the bottom, the club also has a luxury manager.
Leroy Lita and the luxury player’s luxury player Tomas Rosicky have fin de siècle Vasco De Beauvoir a close second.
Considering his side’s dissolute approach, the Fadges boss would do well to heed to the BBC.
Northern Monkeys, Lokomotiv Leeds and Newington Reds are all huddled over their bowl of gruel and cancelling Christmas – all their players have scored points.
- Woking (£21.5m) – Thomas Sorensen (£4m), Gabriel Tamas (£5.5m), Micah Richards (£12m)
- Vasco De Beauvoir (£21.5m) – Tomas Rosicky (£1.5m), Leroy Lita (£20m)
- Hairy Fadjeetas (£18.5m) – Steve Warnock (£2m), Marouane Chamakh (£16.5m)
- Headless Chickens (£18m) – Phil Jones (£9.5m), Michael Dawson (£6m), Phil Bardsley (£2.5m)
- Dynamo Charlton (£15m) – Luke Young (£4m), Matthew Upson (£2.5m), The Ox (£8.5m)
- PSV Mornington (£12.5m) – Paolo Gazzaniga (£4.5m), Phillipe Senderos (£5m), Wes Brown (£3m)
- Pikey Scum (£11m) – Bacary Sagna
- Bala Rinas (£10m) – Stefan Savic
- Wandsworth Window Lickers (£9.5m) – Jamie Carragher (£0.5m), Josh McEachran (£9m)
- FC Testiculadew (£5.5m) – Karim Frei
- Greendale Rockets (£3.5m) – Richard Dunne (£3.5m)
- Still Don’t Know Yet (£2.5m) – Drusille Ngako (£1m), Shane Ferguson (£1m), Gary O’Neill (£0.5m)
- Judean Peoples’ Front (£1.5m) – Alan Hutton (£0.5m), Sebastian Squillaci (£0.5m), Scott Parker (£0.5m)
- Spartak Mogadishu (£1m) – Luka Modric
- Sporting Lesbian (£0.5m) – Marko Marin
- Piedmonte (£0.5m) – Rob Green
- Just Put Carles (£0.5m) – Jordan Henderson
League table
Weekly scores
Manager | Points | Goals | ||
1 | FC Testicluadew | James N | 46 | 2 |
2 | Greendale Rockets | Stu | 30 | 2 |
3 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 28 | 2 |
4 | Just put Carles | Carles | 26 | 0 |
5 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 25 | 0 |
6 | Woking | Mike | 24 | 2 |
7 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 24 | 0 |
8 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 21 | 0 |
9 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 20 | 1 |
10 | Headless Chickens | John N | 19 | 1 |
11 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 19 | 0 |
12 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 19 | 0 |
13 | Newington Reds | Dudley | 18 | 0 |
14 | PSV Mornington | El Pons | 17 | 2 |
15 | Judean Peoples’ Front | Sholto | 17 | 0 |
16 | Piedmonte | Phil | 16 | 0 |
17 | Vasco De Beauvoir | Stix | 16 | 0 |
18 | Spartak Mogadishu | Abdi | 14 | 0 |
19 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 13 | 1 |
20 | Wandsworth Window Lickers | Will | 2 | 0 |
Points | Player | |||
Player of the week | 15 | Gervinho – ARS – STR | ||
Club | Greendale Rockets |
Lesbi show
Posted: September 5, 2012 Filed under: Weekly updates | Tags: andy carroll, auction, fantasy football, fantasy premier league, football, maicon, mario balotelli, michu, neil taylor, rafael van der vaart, robin van persie, ryan taylor, soccer, sports, wayne rooney Leave a commentFOUR GOALS in three appearances for Spanish sensation Michu has gifted the Sporting Lesbian boss August’s Manager of the Month award.
The £2.5m attacking midfielder from Asturias has inspired the rest of the Lesbian side – apart from the injured Marko Marin, the rest of the team has contributed to their manager’s early success.
“We’re putting in some very good Lesbian performances. It’s really bringing the punters in,” said the Sporting boss, while taking delivery of a fresh batch of ping pong balls and listing the used ones for sale on a discreet, specialist website.
This time last season Just Put Carles were in a similar position, but could only end the season in a bitter lower mid-table dogfight.
The Kenna pump
- £17m midfielder Rafael van der Vaart has moved to Germany. “Scheisse!” said the Peidmonte manager.
- £500k defender Neil Taylor is out for the rest of the season with injury. “We’re not in crisis,” said the Greendale Rockets manager, whose also without Wayne Rooney.
- Despite £35m Robin van Persie’s hat-trick and penalty fail, Still Don’t Know Yet are in trouble up front with £23m Mario Balotelli out with an eye injury. “He’s not looking so good,” quipped the SDKY gaffer.
- £500k Lokomotiv Leeds midfielder Ryan Taylor is out until March with a cruciate injury
- £1m Headless Chicken Andy Carroll is out for a month with a hamstring injury.
- Just over a year after the FC Testiculadew manager signed him for £7m, Maicon has come to England.
League table
Weekly scores
Manager | Points | Goals | ||
1 | FC Testicluadew | James N | 36 | 3 |
2 | Piedmonte | Phil | 29 | 1 |
3 | Northern Monkeys | Hugo | 28 | 2 |
4 | Sporting Lesbian | Ben M | 27 | 1 |
5 | Dynamo Charlton | Alex | 24 | 2 |
6 | Still Don’t Know Yet | Pete | 23 | 3 |
7 | Bala Rinas | Lewis | 21 | 0 |
8 | Just put Carles | Carles | 19 | 0 |
9 | Vasco De Beauvoir | Stix | 18 | 1 |
10 | Headless Chickens | John N | 17 | 1 |
11 | Lokomotiv Leeds | Ben S | 17 | 1 |
12 | Spartak Mogadishu | Abdi | 17 | 1 |
13 | Newington Reds | Dudley | 16 | 1 |
14 | Wandsworth Window Lickers | Will | 16 | 1 |
15 | Woking | Mike | 16 | 0 |
16 | Hairy Fadjeetas | Aiden | 15 | 1 |
17 | Judean Peoples’ Front | Sholto | 14 | 0 |
18 | Greendale Rockets | Stu | 13 | 0 |
19 | Pikey Scum | Jack | 10 | 0 |
20 | PSV Mornington | El Pons | 5 | 0 |
Points | Player | |||
Player of the week | 15 | van Persie, R – MUN – STR | ||
Club | Still Don’t Know Yet |